Sunday 22 January 2023

A Prelude to Rabbit’s Year


A weary Tiger feels the weight of a year of triumph. He is eager to pass the torch to his tame little friend, Rabbit. After several hours of searching, he stumbles upon his trail. Tiny, brown spherical litter. A natural hunter, Tiger follows Rabbit’s poo. He snickers at his friend’s consistent bowel movement.


Too much fibre from eating all those, Tiger winces, vegetation


Tiger smiles in anticipation of meeting Rabbit again. It has been twelve years since they met. A big hug is at the top of his mind. But as he picks up the scent of his cuddly friend, dark, violent thoughts start to invade his mind. The sweet, delicious meat under the cover of those soft fur makes his stomach growl. Unconsciously, Tiger starts to drool.


The friendly smile turns into a snarl. Tiger bares his rows of sharp teeth. He quickens his pace.


Should I start with the head? Tiger ponders which part to devour first. No. It’s got to be the ears. I hate those pointy things. Yes, yesss. Those will have to go first. No, no, no, I will just eat that fellow whole!


Tiger’s eyes turn crimson. A fire born of hunger burns in those eyes. His muscles tense and he sprints forward. It has been a while since he last flexed his muscles. He was so busy the past year parading in events, being a good vegetarian tiger (it is bad publicity to have a tiger gnawing at flesh during his year, you know) he longs for fresh meat.


Rabbit did not notice Tiger because he is hopping around a patch of carrots. A ritual he likes to perform before he burrows down and frees the juicy vegetables from the ground. He finds his ideal spot. He shakes his bum a couple of times and starts to dig. 


Lunch awaits! Rabbit says to himself.


Meanwhile, just tenths of metres away, Tiger sprints. His striped golden and black fur ripples through the air. He is so fast that his fur is charged from friction with the air. He bursts into a brilliant fireball, a hurrying carnivore on fire. A million demons possess him as he leaps into the air.


Oblivious to his impending doom, Rabbit continues to burrow. His furry round tail wriggles as if taunting Tiger.


Tiger lets out a loud roar as he opens his mouth wide. Razor-sharp teeth wet with dripping saliva glisten in the sun.


Only inches away from his prey, time slows down. A quick thought passes through Tiger, Why must things move in slow motion during these critical moments? Growl!


Just as the moment comes, mouth wide ready to swallow his prey in a single gulp, a plume of Rabbit’s fart envelops Tiger.


He takes a deep breath, ready to release a final roar of victory before his anger escapes him. He gags and freezes in the air before falling flat a few feet from Rabbit. Tiger manages a soft yelp. The evil that has taken over him dissipates with the flame. The violent, voracious Tiger morphs into a cute kitty-like form.


By the time he gets up, he is a tame and loving tiger, just as cuddly as Rabbit who is hopping towards him.


“Tiger! So good to see you! Hope you’re not hurt,” Rabbit says with an embarrassed look complete with batting eyelashes. “I, uh, well, you know, too much vegetables give you gas.”


“I’m fine, buddy!” Tiger smiles. “Just here to wish you a great bunny year!”


Their paws touch and the passing of the torch is complete.


Have a great Year of the Rabbit, folks!

Quick Take On Children of Time Series

Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Children of Time series (or trilogy? Not sure if there is any indication that it’s meant to be a trilogy considering th...