Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Saturday, 31 October 2026

The All-Consuming Granny


Bumbling 6-year old Brian tripped on a tiny rock and tumbled and rolled on a walkway. He managed to scramble back up onto one knee, looking around and hoping no one noticed his spectacular display of clumsiness. To his horror, in front of him was a miniature elderly lady, a granny, smiling at him. Her eyes were squeezed shut, crinkled by a wide, ear-to-ear smile.

"Oh, my poor child," the granny with an impossibly large nose said. "Are you alright?"

Little did Brian know that this day would haunt him years later... decades later...


******


... thirty years later, in fact.

Brian was strolling down a street, hands in his pockets, whistling a tune. His excellent day was interrupted by the faint cry of a child.

He noticed a tiny old woman reaching out for the little girl that had just tripped and fell. Brian's memory flashed back to that clumsy day when he had tripped and a kind old lady had tried to comfort him. The same comical, short, old lady with the big nose. Brian had aged, a bald spot on his head, but this granny had not changed one bit. He would have expected her to have withered and turned to dust.

Brian was jolted out of his thoughts when granny opened her mouth, unnaturally wide revealing razor-sharp teeth, saliva glistening in the afternoon sun, and swallowed the little girl.

"Aaaaaaaah!" Brian shouted into the voice as reality crashed over him.

The old woman turned and looked at him. A lop-sided smile appeared under her glowing, red, devilish eyes.

"You," granny snapped.

Brian ran out of breath from his scream. He wanted to run but his legs would not budge. He was hoping someone would come and drag him away, just like thirty years ago when his mom had appeared, pulled him to his feet and dragged him home.

"The one that got away," granny murmured, strolling casually on her short legs toward Brian. "Hahaha! Not this time. Hahaha-hahah-ah!"

Her mouth opened wide, a vortex of teeth snapping into the air. Before Brian could process it or scream again, he was pulled in. Darkness swallowed him whole, and only the echoing sound of evil laughter remained. And then, there was nothing.

“Ptui!” granny spat Brian out and gagged. “Yucks! Adults taste like cardboard, but you… you… are poison!”

Granny clutching her stomach, collapsed onto the pavement, writhing in pain. Seeing her truly wither and dissolve into dust, Brian scrambled to his feet and ran off into the distance.

End.

Saturday, 15 August 2026

Review: Kung Fu Soccer 功夫女足


If you have watched Stephen Chow’s cult classic comedy “Shaolin Soccer” (released in 2001), it is only natural to watch the follow-up. A sequel was rumoured to be in the making ever since the original was released, but alas, after 25 years, “Kung Fu Soccer” is finally here. Make no mistake, this is not a direct sequel. Besides the martial arts soccer theme, this is, mostly, a standalone movie set in the same universe.

The movie does not bother with world building and jumps straight into an international women’s soccer tournament. The whole story centres on the debuting Emei (Emei is the female equivalent of the male-dominated Shaolin) soccer team. The story is so simplistic that it does not even explain how a first-time soccer team could compete against high-ranking teams in an international tournament.

As expected, Stephen Chow pokes fun at international teams, and some of the jokes proved insensitive enough to spark controversy with South Korea. The CGI is terrible by today’s standards. It’s obvious that the stadium and background spectators are computer-generated, and the super-powered action is awful low-budget stuff. It’s so obvious that it seems intentional… and funny. This is a comedy, after all. There is not much outlet for acting skills in this movie, but whenever there is an emotional scene, the leads do their parts well.

It is important to note that this movie is not for those looking for some serious (well, I doubt you will find any comedies enjoyable if you are looking for some serious in a comedy… get the joke?) soccer comedy (aside from those unavoidable standard yellow and red cards jokes). You will be disappointed.

Putting aside the simple storyline, terrible CGI, and controversy, unwind, and you will find yourself enjoying the jokes and funny moments. On top of that, the movie gives a few reminders on life’s lessons, too. If you are old enough to love Stephen Chow’s comedies, you will definitely find this movie entertaining.

Tip: Do not leave immediately once the credits roll. Just wait a while and be rewarded with a short clip.

The All-Consuming Granny

Bumbling 6-year old Brian tripped on a tiny rock and tumbled and rolled on a walkway. He managed to scramble back up onto one knee, looking ...